jaena: (Default)
Jaena ([personal profile] jaena) wrote2016-09-16 08:13 pm

How do I Person?

 So recent....events.....have made me realize just how much being an abuse victim for, oh, over a decade warps your perception of reality as well as severely inhibits your ability to form normal interpersonal relationships!!!

If a phone call drops, did you know that it's abnormal to assume that the other person hung the phone up in a fit of rage????

Case in point: my boyfriend dropped me off at the post office and was going to go home real quick and come back (we live like 10 blocks away from the post office, it's great), but there was no line so I got done really quick and figured I'd just walk home while the weather was bearable. I call my boyfriend and tell him this and he goes, "Oh, I was just about to head out the door."

And then the call ends.

I assumed that he was SO MAD at the change of plans that he hung the phone up in a fit of rage. He actually came and picked me up and I immediately asked him if he was mad at me and he was just like "?????????????????"

He thought I hung up on him, I thought he hung up on me, so clearly the call had just dropped (as it does way more frequently than it should (&^$%*%$ Verizon...)).  But it's cool that my brain decided to pass over that reasonable conclusion and jump straight to "He mad!"  
Thanks, brain!!!

My boyfriend literally never raises his voice for any reason, ever.  He doesn't even get angry, it's surreal. He will claim he does, like if he's irritated at someone cutting him off in traffic or something, but I've seen anger and that ain't it :V  He just doesn't have it in him, and it's taken a lot of time and effort to realize that no, he's not some exception to the rule, this is just how normal people behave!

He knows my history and is so understanding about it, and I have gotten a LOT better at not automatically anticipating....negativity, but sometimes I kinda....revert?  We've been dating for over 6 years so that obviously helps, but I was abused for a lot longer than that and am still kinda getting used to....normal......ness......???

Like, did you know that if you're a couple minutes late to a thing, it's not normal or healthy to be screamed at?????? It's true! 

I would give more examples but I'm already way uncomfortable just writing this, which kinda defeats the purpose of me writing about it!!! But I kinda needed to get it off my chest and didn't want to bother anyone directly. Luckily, no one reads this!!!!